Family Things

A Christmas meditation

REFLECTIONS, Margaret Steinhage Fenelon. The last Christmas Eve my father was alive, he spent the evening and late into the night chatting with the four of us kids. He talked about his great pride for all of us and then told each of us individually what he saw in us – our strengths, personalities, and outstanding traits. One thing he said really struck me, and it’s never left my mind or heart.

"Parents always want their children to do better than they did," he said reflectively. "And I know you’re going to do much better than I did because you’ve all got the strength and guts to do it. Each one of you has what it takes to make it through anything."

Dad died three weeks later. I don’t know whether or not he sensed that he was near the end of his life on that Christmas Eve. But I do know that it was a tremendous gift for him to have had that opportunity to share his dreams and impressions with us. It was a tremendous gift for me, too. His words to we children have lingered with me all these 30 years. His term for my energetic determination, "moxy", has given me a turbo boost in arduous spots throughout my life. The memory of that wonderful Christmas Eve will stay with me forever.

A father

I can imagine another loving father – Father Kentenich – chatting with his children about the same thing. Father put the welfare of his children before his own, even to the point of entering Dachau concentration camp as a ransom for their inner freedom. Whenever one of his children visited him, Father gave his full attention to that child. He loved the weaknesses in the child as well as the strengths and never asked a struggling child to conquer something he had not first conquered within himself. He spent his entire life at the service of his children and diligently urged them to strive for not just high, but the highest ideals. Based on what I know of Father, it seems only natural to me that he would want his children to do better than he did.

I doubt Father’s sentiments have changed since he’s gone home to the heavenly Father. I’m sure that his prayers and urgings for us to do better than he did continue flow from Heaven. I can imagine that he observes our struggles and spiritually carries them along with us so that he can urge and guide us to conquer them victoriously. Even more, I believe that Father wants us to have the same attitude toward each other.

Siblings

I think of any natural family, with its sibling rivalries and rebellions. In general, sibling rivalries arise because brothers and sisters want recognition and approval. That’s not a bad thing, but it can become ruinous when the drive to rule causes us to subdue, sabotage or negate the abilities and gifts of the others. When it becomes, "me and not you" rather than "me and you", the climate within the family changes considerably.

Wise parents learn to distinguish between siblings – to appreciate this quality in this child and that quality in that child. It’s never either-or, but yes-and-also and each child is encouraged to develop his charisms and seek his personal mission in the way the heavenly Father intended for him. Dynamic parents help siblings to realize the value in what they do and who they are as individuals. Then they help them to understand how they can work collaboratively and complimentarily for the benefit of the entire family.

A Family

I can see that Father Kentenich would want this for his Schoenstatt Family. I could picture him speaking to one child and saying, "Yes, you’re very talented at doing this thing, but your sister is very talented at doing this other thing. If you work together, you’ll have an even greater thing!" Perhaps he’d say something like, "Do not think that the Triune God loves you any less because you don’t have the same gifts as your brother. All gifts are valuable no matter how seemingly big nor how seemingly small and must be used for the greater glory of God." I could also picture him expressing his pride and confidence in each one of us – from biggest to littlest – and inspiring us to uplift and help one another in developing our charisms for the benefit of the entire Family.

Father knows that we’re capable of doing this because we’ve got moxy. We have the Shrine, our powerhouse of grace. We have the Mother Thrice Admirable, our mediatrix and educator. We have the spirit and teachings of our Father and Founder. We have each other, with our different yet vital charisms. And we have the constant intercession of Father Kentenich, because he wants us to do even better than he did.