Zum Weiterdenken - Considerations - Para reflexionar
 published: 2004-01-23

The courage of our convictions

Inspiration for a conversation with families - Preparing the European Family Congress

Fr. Elmar Busse

Looking at life

The Berlin political scientist Peter Grottian reports about experiments which have shown that people intervened in more than half of the cases when foreigners were molested in underground trains. By the way, sexual attacks led to interventions in only one third of the cases. What is important about the study is its result: both - doing nothing and intervening - gather a considerable momentum of their own.The courage of our convictions is very useful. As soon as a person brings himself or herself to help somebody he or she will find other people who will help to reduce the risk, thus making a success of the intervention more likely. The personality of a helper cannot be categorized as far as current sociological standards are concerned. Social courage develops neither in a highly educated environment nor in an above-average religious one. Its existence depends on neither income nor people’s IQs, nor on ethical convictions, nor on social status, nor on political attitudes. The best preconditions for the courage of our convictions are according to research work:

  • a trustful relationship with at least one parent
  • setting norms in advance; the norms have to be explained and they can be changed
  • and most important of all: to have known a person whose love for other people was never shaken by anyone or anything.

Looking at the Bible (Lk 12.49-53)

Jesus says:

"I came to cast fire on the earth; and would that it were already kindled! I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how I am constrained until it is accomplished! Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division; for henceforth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law againt her mother-in-law."

Jesus who emphazises unity on the one hand when he makes a request for unity in John 17 uttering thus one of his main concerns, but on the other hand he can also show us: there are situations where tensions arise on his own sake: those who are loyal to him and his message can easily come into conflict with their environment. Church History is also the history of its martyrs.

Looking at ourselves

What can we as a family do that people grow up in our homes who enjoy unity but are also able to bear conflicts and to develop a courage of their convictions. There are two favourable phases in the development of a person’s personality, when nature itself supports the development of strong characters: that is when children are going through a difficult age at about three and when they are in their puberty. Both phases are very exhausting for parents and children alike, because of the lack of harmony. In both phases nature insists that the child and later on the adolescent says "I". At the age of about three years the child discovers that he or she is not a mother-child-unison but a being with a will of his or her own. The child discovers the words "I" and "No". At the beginning a child talks about himself or herself in the third person: "Hanna is hungry." "Philipp is thirsty." And the child expects his or her almighty parents to fulfil his or her needs. It must be intoxicating when a child discovers that he or she has a mind of his/her own. Needless to say, the child wants to prove this new power by putting up resistance against his/her parents’ will. If the child does not find any resistance this new energy will fizzle out. If a person is stopped from uttering his or her own will , his /her personality will be destroyed. But if a child feels some opposition, he or she learns to deal with this power and to channel it. I have often played the "No-Yes-Game with children. It was easy to find a reason for contradicting a child. Then you can hear them speak in different tones and voices: imploringly, ingratiatingly, pitifully and in a domineering manner. And in between there are fits of laughter to make sure that it is just a game. But there must also be seriousness: a child noticing his or her parents’resoluteness must recognize that there are restrictions and that he or she is forbidden to do anything he or she wants to.

Looking at the founder of Schoenstatt

In 1909 Student Kentenich was not admitted to ordination by the leaders of his province. So there would not be any chance of becoming a priest. No diocese would accept him: He was said to have the skills for a good heretic – an above-average intelligence and a strong will. Talking to his superior Josef Kentenich said: "Facing people I’ll always be hard but behind their backs I’ll always be loyal to them." These words made Father Kolb once more talk to the leaders of the province about Kentenich’s admittance to ordination. Another vote was taken, the result of which was 3:2 for Josef Kentenich. And so Student Kentenich became Father Kentenich, who often had problems first in his convent, later on with the Bishop of Trier and then even with the authorities in Rome. When on 31st May 1949 he put his reply to the episcopal report on the altar of the shrine in Bellavista, in Santiago de Chile, he said: "We have to be prepared that my reply will deeply wound some noble hearts in my native country, that it will arouse sheer indignation and that it will cause powerful retaliation. We should not be surprised when my answer evokes influential men’s opposition against me and the Schoenstatt Family. But we have to take the risk nevertheless. The mission of a prophet also includes the fate of a prophet."

Father Kentenich was not the only person to go his own straight way. Near him others could also mature into strong personalities: Father Kentenich’s later co-worker, Father Franz Reinisch from Tyrol, was powerfully supported by Father Kentenich when fighting for the right decision. Father Reinisch whose 101st birthday we will celebrate on 1st February, said in a discussion among his fellow-fathers: "We are not allowed to swear an oath of allegiance to the National Socialist flag, to the Fuehrer. This would be a sin. We would give our oath to a criminal." While discussing the subject Father Kentenich was asked about his opinion. He answered: "Everyone has to settle it with his conscience. If your conscience tells you to take the oath, take it. But should your conscience refuse the oath, you have to follow this call of your conscience." Franz Reinisch followed the call of his conscience and was sentenced to death in Berlin on 7th July 1942 and executed in Brandenburg on 21st August 1942. He was the only priest to refuse the oath of allegiance to Hitler for conscientious reasons.

Looking at our resources to mould our world

We can decide on the atmosphere in our homes ourselves. What is really important to us? What do we expect of our Blessed Mother as our educator in our home shrines? A mother of six children relates: "I have always done some ‘staircase jumping’ with our little ones. Depending on their ages and courage my children used to jump down into my arms from the fifth or sixth step or from even higher up. Today the ‘little ones’ are taller than their mother but their courage to tackle something new, the courage to have an opinion of their own and to express it – this courage was put into their hearts while playing the jumping-game on the stairs. It is obvious that there were vehement debates during the adolescence of these children, that parents and children shouted at each other and there were tears on both sides. Today the former fighters can tell their parents that they felt then that they were taken seriously by them and that their parents’ struggling for self-control had hardly ever hurt their dignity – a wonderful compliment after years of fighting and of doubting on the part of the parents: ‘What have we done wrong?’"

A father relates: "My thirteen-year-old daughter was astonished when I told her that a woman in Israel used to be stoned when she expected a baby before she was married. This means: Mary was extremely courageous when she said ‘Yes’ to the angel, when he asked her to become the mother of Jesus." After the service on Good Friday last year a family talked about the crucifixion of Jesus. The parents talked about Mary’s and John’s courage and steadfastness while standing by the cross. At that time their sixteen-year-old son was experiencing how one of his classmates was left by his friends because his parents had gone bankrupt and had to give up their family business. We need a large amount of courage and staying power if we want to stand loyally by a person who has failed or - as in the case of Jesus – has even been killed as a political persecutee!

Ways to be active:

We offer our children a secure place and a home, because we stay together with our partner and do not get divorced.

We provide challenges and tests of courage so that our children learn how to handle and to overcome their fears.

We care for an atmosphere of truth. We support the courage of being honest even if it is not agreeable. It is better to accept the consequences of ones faults than to make them worse by concealing them.

We stand by our convictions. We do not only practise tolerance but also claim for it. This is the reason why we say grace even if irreligious guests are at our table.

A final request

Please gather your observations and try new things out in your family! This is useful for everybody. In addition to this you can impart your good experiences to other people at the Family Congress. The first disciples are said to have shared everything. Nowadays people are able to look after themselves: Most of them can afford a home, food and clothes, but there is a lack of practical experience in our pluralistic society. We do not know how to deal with the education of ourselves and of our children in the long run. Orientation and ideas – this form of loving our neighbour will mould the Family Congress.

Translation: Elfriede Wespel, Germany

 



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